This month, I’ve been doing what many people do near the end of December – reflecting on the past year and planning for the next. It may seem unnatural to do so mid-way through the year, but I have good reason. The past 12 months have proven to be my most tumultuous and life-changing yet. I have experienced a lot of ‘firsts’ – mostly bad, though a few were good.
It seems to me that since this past year is coming to a close, now would be a good time for fate to throw some ‘good’ my way. So in a way, this like is New Year’s for me. It’s time to turn over a new leaf and hope to balance out a terrible year by following it with a fantastic one.
What does that have to do with being in the South, you might ask? Well, I guess it’s about coming full circle – a return to the beginning. The last time I lived here, I was a small child. I had my whole life ahead of me. Perhaps my being here again is a chance to start from scratch, get a “re-do.” (Not for my whole life, just for this past year.)
Not that anything I could have done would have prevented what the universe threw my way, but all the same it’s hard not to wonder, “Was there?”
Regardless, here’s what happened. In the last twelve months:
- I witnessed the birth of a child for the first time.
- My boyfriend of eight years moved across the country.
- I moved in with my mom after about six years of being out of the house. (I’m not saying ‘away from home’ – her house isn’t my home. Rather, I moved away from home into her house.)
- My grandmother came to live with us in my mom’s house, where I helped my mom care for her.
- My grandmother died.
- I moved to Washington, D.C., resulting in what was my first across-the-country road trip.
- My grandfather died.
- I experienced my first D.C. winter (one that I have been told is not reflective of the average): ‘Snowmaggedon.’ This may not seem like a big deal to some, but fellow desert rats know that it most definitely was.
- I moved to Chapel Hill, NC.
And so here I am. Much more happened in addition to what I listed, but to understand the intricacies and ironies that come with them all would require significant explanation – which (I believe) few are likely to care about, and fewer will take the time to read.
All this upheaval was distressing (to say the least) but it provided a reason to reexamine my approach to change – something to which I was previously poorly equipped to adapt. I was characteristally routine and avoided situations in which I was not in control.
That being said, I realize now that one cannot avoid situations which are beyond his/her control. Obvious, right? For me, that was easy to perceive in a logical sense without applying to reality at all. That’s not to say I’d never encountered the ‘uncontrollable’ – I just continued to cling to the notion that if I tried really hard, I could change anything.
Now, I’ve learned: when life delivers a unavoidable blow, it’s best to absorb the impact and reconstruct later. What happens when one try’s to control things beyond that individual’s control? It leads to feelings of utter worthlessness at the point of ‘failure.’ Really, the person has not failed, because the attempt was futile anyway. So it’s best to save up energy for use when the time comes to pick up the pieces.
Again, it’s easy to say, but not so easy to do (at least for me). Nevertheless, awareness is the first step on the road to improvement.
On a lighter note, here are a few other things I learned:
- Watching a baby being born made me neither more nor less afraid of childbirth – just more aware of the reality of it and equally terrified.
- I need my friends more than I thought I did – and they need me more than I thought they did.
- Don’t hesitate to get to know people – everyone has at least one amazing story. And they could be gone before you know it.
- I am not nearly as averse to cold weather as I thought I’d be – just the complications that come with it.
- I actually like Southern food – but not as much as Mexican food.
- Solo day/road trips are the best way to 1) find space/time to think, 2) explore a new place in a small amount of time, 3) spend a lot of money on gas.
(Almost) another year older, another year wiser – so the saying goes. Here’s hoping this year will be the best one yet.
Cheers.
Photo from Livescience.com.
