Floral, full-skirted frustration

In the fashion department, Southern Belle I am not.

Fashion in the South seems to have it’s own standard of classic-dressy. Forget the little black dress or the white Oxford shirt. Instead, think year-round Easter Sunday. Of course, it’s not like this is the everyday norm for most people – it’s just that most of the people I’ve seen dressed up are donning this garb: white or seer-sucker suits for men and full-skirted, flowered dresses paired with floppy hats and whites shoes for women. (Exception: I did see several men at the beach wearing white suits. Though, it was a Sunday.)

Given that this seems to be the standard, naturally stores in this area favor these styles. This poses a problem for those who aren’t in the mood for celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ each time the invitation calls for ‘dressy’ – namely, me.

Infamous duo Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag model their Southern-inspired outfits. (AP Photo/David Harpe)

I first ran into this problem in April when searching for a dress to wear to my friend’s wedding in Tucson. My goal – a simple silhouette in a solid, cheerful color. Easter was in April this year, so it wasn’t any great surprise when flowery frocks dominated the clothing racks at all the stores I visited. Feeling only somewhat defeated, I ended up buying one when I got to Arizona.

Earlier this summer, I had a job interview in Washington, D.C. The night before, I realized that I only owned professional clothes suitable for winter wear. A mile of walking and a ride in the Metro (which that day lacked A/C, coincidentally) and I would be a hot mess. In a state of panic, I rushed to four different stores in search of a simple black, tailored skirt. Not a retailer around had such a garment. NONE.

Think about that – one of the most obvious staples of a woman’s wardrobe and there aren’t any available? All of the stores I went to were major national retailers so I was sure they’d have one. Nope.

I wouldn’t have worried much if my interview had been in North Carolina – I would have settled for one of the flowered or pastel skirt-jacket combos they had everywhere. (Come to think of it, I haven’t seen a single person wearing a black skirt in the time I’ve been in NC.) But, I was trying to project ‘Washingtonian,’ since the interview was in D.C.

So, once again I went elsewhere for apparel – Fredericksburg, Virginia. (For those who aren’t familiar with the area, it’s pretty darn close to D.C., so the preferred fashions are comparable.)

This is just all a bit mind-boggling. Yes – it is summer, but where isn’t a black skirt considered an appropriate year-round garment for professional environments? Certainly everywhere else I’ve been.

There’s not a lot I don’t like about the South, but this inability to supply wardrobe basics to its residents ranks at the top of my list.

I mean, come on, South – that’s just ridiculous.

Ain’t you heard of ‘haint’?

The haint blue porch ceiling of my grandparents' 19th-century home.

Splashes of sky blues are peeking out from porch ceilings all across the Southern United States. Those who’ve visited the region likely have seen this classic decor.  Blue porch ceilings are vastly numerous – seemingly at least one or two can be found in any given neighborhood, and it’s not a new trend. My grandparents’  plantation-style house near D.C. (built in the 1860s) boasts a blue ceiling porch. Pale-to-medium atmospheric blues, sometimes tinged with hints of green or violet, make up this notorious range of hues dubbed “haint blue,” and it’s a staple of Southern architecture.

But where did it come from?

The story of haint blue is one that is deeply rooted in mythology and is still somewhat misunderstood. Even folklore experts can’t seem to agree on the tradition’s origins. One common theory is that its roots are in the Gullah/Geechee culture, an African American sub-group existing mainly in the South Carolina and Georgia Lowcountry. This group consists of descendants of  an amalgamation of people brought over to America as slaves from western and central Africa, with a large concentration hailing from Sierra Leone. Gullah/Geechee beliefs are a combination of African witchcraft  and  practices adopted from white Christian slave owners.

In line with this theory, the tradition of painting porch ceilings – also doors, windows, even entire buildings – shades of blue came from the Gullah/Geechee belief in witches and “haints,” unfriendly ghosts in a state of unrest. The blue was believed to repel evil spirits and keep the building’s occupants safe while inside.

Some experts believe the tradition of painting ceilings blue came from early Scottish or Scandanavian beliefs, which also instilled a fear of ghosts with unfinished business. Still others believe the Southern tradition is a combination of Western European and African beliefs. It is important to note that blue ceilings are not isolated to the southern United States – they are found in many countries. But in the U.S., they are highly concentrated in the South.

Other perceived purposes have emerged for haint blue, including the common misconception that it will repel insects because they perceive it as sky or water, a theory which has been largely disproven. Experts believe bugs used to steer clear of things painted blue because early shades of haint paint contained lime, which repelled the critters.

These wasps were not deterred from building their nest on the haint blue ceiling of my grandparents' house.

Today, most blue ceilings and trim are just stylistic reflections of the once purpose-driven decor, but in the United States they remain distinctly Southern.